RECENTLY NAMED: BOGUS
by Black-Sichan
Summary: In a land FAR FAR away there lived 2 very sad souls that were gay. They will try to find true love amidst the hardships of Band Camp! Though another will try and interupt their love quest, their newly found love of the SEX will keep them ALIVE and HORNY
1. Who says the Queers are ONLY in Choir?

RECENTLY NAMED: BOGUS : Bunch Of Gay Underappreciated Suckers

Author's Note: Co-written by many crazy GARDEN TOOLS! (Get it?) If you don't like me….or us…. I won't like you either. Other than that you should be fine so read our Romantic Comedy of the LOVE TRIANGLE that has only two corners…….. Plus a gay guard instructor. This story has been moved due to some idiot printing it out and bringing it to the school that the story is based off…..hmmmm. IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU THINK HARDER!

INSPIRED BY TRUE PEOPLE……… LOL

GARDEN TOOLS

Black-Sichan

Bikky

Luffy V'shile

Shriekie

SYDNEY!

Disclaimer: Fear me! For they are our bitches! It's a co-ownership.

Chapter 1 Who said the Queers were only in Choir?

Skipper was frustrated.

'Why did Gerul have to have such a sexy ass?' It was the first day of BAND CAMP and Gerul just had to go shirtless. His well toned abs, his perfectly sculpted back, his delicate facial features, and his extremely homosexual shades.

'Why did he have to be so…. What is the word I'm looking for……….. DESIREABLE.

"Gawd I just wanna pound his ass," he shouted to the stalls.

In the distance a lone janitor lifted his head from the toilet seat in the girl's bathroom in question.

'I have to get as perfect as Gerul….. then he'll notice what a fine piece of ass I am.'

He practiced going from 4/4 to 6/8 in the bathroom mirror (cuz god knows he needed to). Hearing someone in the hallway he quickly exited the bathroom.

"Where have you been?" Laura asked. They hadn't seen each other since the end of the school year so she gave him a quick hug. "Gerul and Mr. Toms have been looking for you; you need to help set up the Basics Block." She winked at him and tapped his ass. "Someone's been working out over the summer." Skipper smirked.

"I know, you don't have to tell me twice"

"Getting a little cocky?"

"I'd like to think so." She laughed and shoved him into the band room where Gerul and Mr. Toms were waiting.

"Skip, I've been looking for you. I need you." Skipper shuddered in anticipation from the seductive phrase.

"Sorry I was working on something important."

Mr. Toms looked at Skipper knowingly.

"You kids have fun out in all that heat. I'm going to observe the Pit. (bastards)" Mr. Toms left the two alone.

"So….ummmm… we better get going," Skip stuttered. Gerul nodded and swayed seductively out the door. Skip followed in a trance.

As soon as the rays from the sun hit Gerul's glistening body Skipper had to dash quickly out of sight to make sure his soldier would live to fight another day.

"Skip? Where did you go?" Gerul cried mournfully, running with homosexual enthusiasm towards Skipper's hiding spot. "Why are you hiding in such a silly place you silly goose?" Skipper quickly slammed his legs together, which wasn't actually a very good idea, in an attempt to hide his obvious erection. "Do you have a banana in your pants? Do you have NUTS? I LOVE NUTS."

"Sure Gerul. I'll…share them with you later…" he mumbled. Gerul clapped his hands together jovially and skipped merrily across the parking lot to the awaiting band and unfortunate guard.

--To Gerul --

"Oh G-EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeee-RRrUUUUlllL!" Philip screeched in an attempt to seem cute. Which he couldn't achieve due to his lack of vocal talents. "Where's your lovely little friend?"

"He's off enjoying his banana. And nuts."

Philip raised an eyebrow. "I wish I could have some hinthintwinkwink OHSNAP. I shall go an FETCH him." Philip jazz ran off to Skipper's not so secret hiding place.

"Oh Skippy baby, I was just talking to that fine piece of ass Gerul, and I thought of you. And your banana + nuts. Which I would very much like to take part in. Is the banana ripe for the picking?"

"My banana is reserved for the one I love," Skipper wailed, mock-fainting.

"Why can't you love me? The all powerful Philip? I CAN DO THE SPLITS. Can GERUL do the SPLITS? I DON'T THINK SO. So why don't you want ME?" A rip was heard as Philip demonstrated his mad right-split abilities.

"I don't care about those legs, only the third one." Skipper eyed Philip's tear. "And it looks like you just smashed yours."

Laura suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "What happened to you helping Gerul warm up?"

"I was just having a snack." And with that, Skipper stormed off to the mass of band nerds. And unfortunate color guard.

Laura turned her head as she heard a slight keening noise below her.

"Can someone help me up?" Philip whined.

Laura laughed deep inside her nonexistent chest and left, leaving poor Philip to drag his abused third leg across the heated pavement.

--With Skipper and Gerul--

"Everyone get in a circle!" Gerul shouted, asserting his usually nonexistent manliness, making Skipper shudder. 'He's just so damn cute when he's tries to act dominating.'

The band nerds rushed to their circle and began chatting amongst themselves. Never actually listening to what's been said to them. (whistles)

"LEFT ARM ACROSS!" Gerul shouted slowly pulling his sweat-slicked arm across his finely toned pectorals. "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!"

"RIGHT ARM ACROSS!" Gerul led the band through the stretch poses with languid movements. Skipper's only concern being how good his view was of Gerul's firm buttocks as he bent over. From the corner of his eye he saw Philip grinding "seductively" into his flags pole. He slid the chain flag between his thighs repeatedly before sliding the end of his flag pole into his opened mouth slowly. Rolling his eyes back into his head in ecstasy. Skipper quickly averted his eyes back to a **more **pleasing view. AKA Gerul's tight ass.

The whole band turned to watch as Philip was pummeled by Kelly (other guard coach) who had witnessed his crude acts. She was currently handcuffing him to the light post with her extra chain flag. His screams of 'SKIPPER' became louder as he realized he could still rub himself against the light post. Skip shuddered and quickly lead the band into the breathing block.

Skip placed himself a bit towards the back so he could watch Gerul's buns bounce up and down as he ran. Gerul began clapping and the band started to move with him. Skip's eyes never left Gerul's butt and he couldn't help but find the whole scenario erotic……… "Who said the Queers were only in Choir?"


	2. What the Fark?

Author's Note: THIS IS NOW……………… A…………….. CROSSOVER!!!! BUM BUM BUUUUUUM!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not ours… and neither are the people in our other story… but we are manipulating them to our every desire.

Chapter 2 What the Fark

"What the fark am I doing here!?" Harry screamed. Looking around he noticed no one was flying… but walking….how American. "Who the hell walks anymore? Where's my broom?" He stuck his hands in his pockets to check. "Nope not there, just my "wand." He laughed merrily to himself.

"That was funny," said Philip, who was currently caressing the pole.

"If only Draco could bend that way," Harry mumbled longingly.

"Who says I can't? Stupid Potter." And with that Draco began making out with Harry. Philip watched with fascination.

"I wish I had a boyfriend…," he sighed.

Suddenly Skipper happened upon the productive couple.

"You two need to get into the Basic Block." Draco glanced at Skipper with a frown.

"The what block?"

"The Basics Block. Have you two been skipping out on the mini Band Camp?" Skipper asked.

"Well duh, we've been to busy having dirty monkey sex."

"SO you two don't have your instruments yet?"

"Oh, I always carry my instrument with me," he whispered seductively. Pulling his mallets from his back pocket. "But I'll need a quad."

"Who carries quad mallets around in their back pocket?"

"Harry does. To play me with." Draco laughed girlishly and pulled out his flute. "Where do you want me?"

Skipper was shocked at this obviously gay couple. They were almost as Gay as Jordan and Kevin. "You'll fit right in with the quad section," Skipper said. "What are you're names?"

"Draconis Alexandria Malarie Paris Malfoy. But you sweet cheeks can call me Draco." Harry became flustered.

"I thought I was your sweet cheeks?"

Draco sighed and patted him on the buttock. "No, you're my Sugar Daddy. Draco likes him some candy."

Harry grinned perversely and groped Draco.

"Now, now you two, get into your positions."

"Do you really want us to do that here? In front of all these people? Not that I have anything against it of course, but, well, you know…"

Skip shook his head and walked Draco over to the flute section.

"Draco, this is Tots."

"The underappreciated flute MASTER," Tots added. She quickly proceeded to glomp Draco, the way only a fangirl can. "I thought you'd never come!"

"But sweetheart, I _always _come." Tots laughed and motioned for her bestest buddy to come over.

"Glenduh GET YOUR FAT ASS OVER HERE YOU SKINNY WHORE!"

Glenduh sauntered over seductively. "I can't dance, YEAH." She scooted and twisted the few feet to Tots and Draco,, the ever present perverted sister, at her side. "Hello bitches…and gay bitches. What's up hoes?"

"Haha. Hoes sounds like toes, which makes me think of sex!" said Candy. Draco looked at her curiously before squealing like a girl.

"I LOVE YOU PEOPLE."

Draco and the girls proceeded to chat about gay mansex.

--To Harry--

"Harry, this is Jordan and Kevin," said Skipper, who was currently staying away from the squealing mass of girls (and Draco).

Jordan stuck out his manly hand to be shaken while Kevin stuck out his more…feminine one.

"Hey there sexy. Want to join our mass orgy later? It includes me and Kevin here." He stroked Kevin's earring, which curiously matched his own nipple rings, which were reflecting the sunlight because his shirt was off.

"Can I bring a friend?" asked Harry.

"You can bring ANYTHING you wish, sexy guy man," said Jordan. Harry smirked and wrote down his phone number on Jordan's bare chest.

"Call me later." He brushed against Jordan's nipple ring and RIPPED IT OUT. Only not really. He just tugged it a little.

Meanwhile Skipper had snuck off to his not-so-secret hiding place to finish his 'snack'.

--To Draco--

"Is it just me, or is Skipper massively hard for Gerul?"

Glenduh, Candy, and Tots squealed in delight and nodded. "We're currently writing a fanfiction online about them, it's a crossover with Harry Potter!"

"Oh really," said Draco. "How about we make your fic a reality?" The girls squealed again and rushed Draco over to the director's stand where Skipper and Gerul were talking.

The three hid behind Philip's light post and watched the two banter.

"They must be talking about something extremely serious, just look at Skipper's face!"

--To Skipper and Gerul--

"Hey Gerul?" 

"Yes Skipper?"

"Do you like…the color green?"

--To Draco And Girls--

"That's just how Skipper always looks!"

--To Skipper and Gerul--

"G-Gerul?" Skip whispered, stuttering slightly. "Are – are you gay?"

Gerul stared at him. "Of COURSE I'm gay! How could I NOT be gay? Have you seen the way I dress? What self-respecting straight man would dress with this much style? Are you farking crazy?" Ted flicked Skipper on the forehead. "You Funny Bunny."

Skipper let out a sigh of relief. "Will you have sexual intercourse with me?"

Gerul appeared to think about it for a moment before answering. "HELL NO BETCH. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS FINE PIECE OF ASS WOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU?"

Skipper wailed loudly and ran away like a little gay freak. Philip, seeing this, followed him into the darkened boys Lavatory.

"Poor Baby," he cooed. "Do you want Daddy to make it better?" Skipper shook his head in despair.

"Why the hell won't you leave me alone you twisted sister. Why are you even in the Boys Lav.?"

Philip smirked and inched closer to Skipper's prone form. "I will make you feel better… in Chapter 3! The EPARRRRRR!!!!!!!"

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. THE EPAR!

Author's Note: This Chapter will contain…. FIBI wearing stripper heals with red and white striped socks, Cory and Steve are totally homos!!!,

Tommy is going to be screwed ha!, Blaize and Sidney…… Blaize gets dumped and has to go back to France and have sex with multiple aids infested French prostitutes! Also, be amazed, disturbed and various other things while watching Mr. Toms cross-dress!

Chapter 3:

The EPAAAAAAAAAARRRRRr

Clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp.

"Let's get some shoes, bitches!" The loud and annoying yet incredibly refreshing voice of FIBI called out.

"Oh my god, shoes!" shouted Candy, who looked like she was thinking about the use for stripper heels in that Draco/Harry Fanfiction she read the night before on Adult Fanfiction dot Net. But you didn't hear that from me.

"THOSE SHOES ARE MINE, BETCH." Tots (and Glenduh who has a fat ass) cried simultaneously. Tots then made a motion and the eighth grade guard member snapped her bra strap loudly.

FIBI looked quite delighted to be breathing, living, and all around being alive, with her stripper heels and all… that's the fate of all Latina girls, isn't it? NO. NO IT'S NOT. THAT'S CALLED A STEREOTYPE. She was sporting some knee-high red and white striped socks, which she expertly coordinated with the gargantuan amount of love notes, sympathy notes, just-for-the-hell-of-it notes, bank notes, a copy of the Torah and the Pope's hat she was cradling in her arms.

"This one's for you, Glenduh!"

Dorothy raised an eyebrow, taking the note from FIBI's free hand and reading it aloud.

"'My love for you is like that of an Eskimo's for the Equator'. What the hell?"

FIBI grinned sheepishly. She rushed over to another clarinet player, a somewhat short and stocky (not to mention UGLY) boy by the name of Sidney.

"Siiiiiiiiiidney," FIBI crooned. "This one's for you. So is this one. And this one, and this one, AND this one! And if you call now, you'll also receive THIS ONE!"

She dropped the entire pile at his feet, keeping the Torah and the Pope's hat, because she was down with Catholicism AND Judaism.

Sidney rolled his eyes in annoyance. He hesitantly picked up a note, a little smiling heart sticker keeping the edges together. Ripping it open, he mimicked Glenduh's previous actions.

"'I hate you, Sidney. Hug, Kiss, Hug, Kiss, Phoebe'. Okay, that wasn't as bad as the one's you've given me before…"

"Keep going, sweet cheeks."

The notes, in sequential order, read;

"I hate you (heart)."

"I really hate you. (Smiley face, heart)"

"I do not heart you."

"I lo—

JUST KIDDING I STILL HATE YOU."

"(Picture of Sidney being crucified) I love you!"

He trashed them nearly as quickly as FIBI gave them to him.

"Sidney, my manly man of manliness," a voice called out seductively.

FIBI's eyes narrowed, and everyone else decided to flee while they still could. That voice could only mean one thing:

Blaize was here.

Blaize, who looks just like farking Billy Elliot when he takes off his glasses and does that one gay hair thing.

That only gay people do.

If ONLY he didn't have braces.

That 'ho.

"Sidney, I love you and the hot mansex you give me every hour on the hour," Blaise stated, winking suggestively and pointing to his watch, which read "8:58 AM".

"What hot mansex?" Sidney seemed utterly confused which made FIBI swoon and float away on clouds of butterscotch and distilled imported beer….

"You know…" Blaize began, "the other night." He winked hugely FIBI stared at him for a moment before giving him a roundhouse kick to the head.

"Don't you be talkin' 'bout my man like that!" she snapped, hand-on-hip. Blaize whined loudly and crawled off across the parking lot nursing his injured head.

Blaize crawled desperately into the boys lav. To nurse his "wounds" of the "soul" and found Philip exerting his non-existent manliness on Skipper as the poor boy sat upon the pee- stained urinal.

"OOOH what is this I have here!" Blaize screeched with a terrible French accent because he's French… in this FIC!!

"I believe I am having hot gay man sex with Skipper at the moment… so be gone small freaky French Freshman!!" Philip flicked his hip towards the door… some of his vibrantly pink lingerie showing above his short black spandex.

Blaize twitched slightly (with a French accent) and rolled under a stall door, farting loudly, into a puddle of a foreign substance, and started singing the diarrhea song to set the mood.

Philip continued molesting Skipper slowly using his chain flag to tie Skipper to the still pee-stained urinal.

The coldness of the chain flag aroused Skipper greatly though he would never show it. Instead he farted loudly on Philip. Blaize laughed girlishly from behind the stall door.

"OOH BABY!" Philip cried , "What did you eat last night! It smells like the death of a thousand rabid barracuda fish that had just eaten a thousand pounds of beans for a thousand years."

"What is it with you and a thousand?"

"Because a thousand is the number of times I am going to EPAR you!!!!!!" Philip bit down on Skipper's pink toenail. Philip licked Skipper's course putrid underarm hair then Philip heard Blaize scream in pain as the French boy ripped out his own mustache hairs as he crapped a thousand rabid barracuda and brushed his teeth. Hey.. no one said the French couldn't multi-task..

Skipper let out a small toot of pleasure from his puckering asshole preparing to be taken by Philip's six-foot flagpole. Because his third 'leg' was being occupied elsewhere.

Randomly Mr. Tent(acles) walked in and started raping Blaize behind the bathroom stall door. My isn't a lot of non-consensual sex going on around here. Mm. (Mr.) Toms walked out of the other stall in a frilly pink gown with frills and bows and a matching parasol and a tattoo of a naked man with a snake wrapped around on his chest on his left butt cheek. There were also garters and his hair was done up in cornrowz GANGSTA.

Everyone stared at Mr. Toms when he stepped from the stall. Skipper conveniently used this distraction to get away from the evil guard hands of Philip.

"What? I thought it was backwards day," said Mr. Toms.

"Ooooooooh." And then everyone went to what they were doing. Except for Philip, who had lost Skipper. So he went and helped Mr. Tent(acles) epar Blaize.

THE END.

FOR NOW.

UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER: MASS QUAD ORGY. WHAT A CONCEPT.

READ AND REVIEW.


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